I need a job.....any cool places hiring?

It's has been so long since I've been here. And so much has happened in the past couple of months.

It's strange sometimes how one little thing can change our lives forever. It could be something or someone, no matter how big or how small this "thing" is, it has the power to change. It could change the way you think, the way you planed your future.

Most of the time the people that are in our lives don't understand these changes. And are sometimes unwilling to cope/deal with them.They try to be nice and work with us through our problems, but slwoly they find new friends, and they move on. Leaving you behind. Sadly I've experienced this, these last few months.

But there is that one person. One person who sticks by you. That one person you think to call or see before all others. One person who you break many rules to be with. No matter  if it is a friend or a lover, hold on to that person. No matter what people say or think, hold on.

I've learned what it means to have that one person. The person that I least expected. Has carried me through.

                                                                         Current State of The Union

                                                                 IN                                                   OUT
                                                              Blake                                             Everyone
                                                             

                                                  Hopefully this stays this way. Right now he's all I need.
                                                          But like they always say, nothing good will stay

                             Current State Of The Union

                                     IN                                                                     OUT

                                   Lora                                                                    Joe D.

                                   Scott                                                                   Tasha

                                   Kenny                                                                 Joe U.

                                   Chelsey                                                               John

                                   Shane                                                                  Adam

                                   Todd                                                                   Milissa

                                   Mikey                                                                 Chris

So, I've had alot of thought about this, and this is how it is for the moment. The "out" list is going to stay. More might be added, BUT NONE WILL BE TAKEN OFF. Once on my bad side, always on my bad side. Even if we forgot about or problem, I don't care. Things are going to change.

                                     Current State of the Union

                                   In                                     Out

                                Chelsey                              Adam

                                Scott                                  Steven

                                Lora                                   Bob

                                Joe U.                                 John

                                Joe D.                                         Millissa

                                        Chris                                             

So far that's what I've desided. The old "group", is just not going to work.

Time for something new.

So, I really hate holidays. Something always goes wrong. I'm alot more comfortable with B-days.

So...here's my holiday drama...so far...

Friday DEC 23: John calls, we talk for awhile. He said that he misses me and wants to know if I'll go to the hot tub with him( it's 2am). I say no, and I tell him he should stay home(the court issued him 6 months suspended lic.& 12 months probation for his DUI). But he desides to go anyways and I tell him to call me as soon as he gets home so I don't worry about him. Scott was suppose to get back but he still hasn't called, and i'm still worried about him.

Christmas Eve: Slena calls. She informs me that last night @ around 4 am John was arrested for driving with a suspended lic.And he has no bond. He should be going to court monday. And he's most-likely going to serve some time.

Christmas Day: Had to go to church. Bummer.Scott is back, but for some reason hasn't called. Man, I didn't know it was so hard to call someone for 30 seconds and let them know that there alive. Oops, my fu*king bad.

Mabey he's really just out of my leauge. Well excuse the Fu*k out of me. Why couldn't he just tell me that. Blah, I hate holidays.

So last night at 1:36 am I was up thinking about John

Which I know I shouldn't be. But w/e.

So.....he calls me right when I'm thinking about him

Ironic.I know.

So, he tells me all this stuff which I can't even be sure that he was being serious. But according to him, he "misses me."Now i'm not really sure what he means by that. I mean, does he miss me? Does he miss talking to me? Does he miss being with me all the time? I mean, it could be alot of things.He just messes everything up.I mean Scott is still in the equation.

Even though I haven't talked to Scott in awhile cause he's been gone.

And I'm sure that if John keeps telling me all of this crap. It's going to interfere with Scott and stuff.

Scott and John don't like each other. Surprise,surprise.

I just wish that Johnny wasn't all.....protective.

Protective = crazy and controling

But I guess he cares alot.I think. Or at least thats what I've been told.

But anyways........

Back to life.

I hate holidays, I miss Chelsey. Life sux. Oh well. I'm tired of cleaning before family comes over. But my mom insist. So whatever.

I'm gunna go now.

KANDI I <3 YOU 

Yeah so I can't sleep right now.....I think I just have too much sh*t on my mind.

I mean I do like Scott. I just want to get to know him more.

For all this time I always thought that he was way ouy of my leauge.

Chelsey always tells me not to think that way cuz if I do I'll always end up with losers.

But I think realisticly. I'm not about to walk around like i'm the sh*t and have someone completely reject me. That would hurt too much.

I mean I don't know. GOD! I hate this.

All I want is a guy who will be there for me.

I want him to need me in his life just as much as I need him in mine.

I'm not looking for money, cars, or looks.

Just a simple guy, who wants to be cared for, and wants to care for me.

Is that too much to ask?

I don't know I think that I'm thinking way too much about it.

Oh well, I think i'm gunna try to get some sleep.